Ladies and germs, tomorrow we go to the polls and elect the next President of these United States. Many of you are still struggling with whom to vote for so I thought I’d share my personal guidelines that have steered me so true over the last nearly 30 years.
Never vote when you’re hungry.
If you do, you’ll end up voting for a bunch of people and initiatives you don’t even need.
Read up on your choices.
Which candidate likes cinnamon toast? Who’s better at hanging drywall? Understanding your options is the best way to make the most of your vote.
Study the film: does he put his napkin in his lap during meals? Does she say “please” and “thank you?” Remember, poor manners reflect badly on all of us
Which candidate is not afraid to mash the holy fuck out of a baby rabbit?
Being President means making touch choices. Can you imagine your candidate mashing the holy fuck out of a helpless baby rabbit? Be sure that you can.
Remember, voting is a privilege, not a right. In fact, it wasn’t until 1987 that voting was extended to people in America’s inner cities. Fact! Now #govote!!!