On a recent
flight, I was lucky enough to be seated next to an empty seat – every traveler’s
wet dream. So, of course I immediately asked my flight attendant, Harold
Porridge, to plop down next to me for a chat. I like to learn about people! Harold’s
a delightful man of about 50 years. He sports a blonde moustache and has a
cherubic paunch that extends oh-so-gingerly over his belt line. We had a
wonderful chat.
ME: So Harold, how
long have you been in the flight game?
HP: Oh, gosh!
Twelve years now.
ME: Well, you don’t
look a day over 13!
HP: Hahahaha,
that’s very cute. Cute AND funny.
ME: Thank you,
Harold. Ever do something on the job you completely regret?
HP: I once
urinated in a customer’s coffee. I’m not proud of that.
ME: Only once,
Harold?
HP: OK --I
urinated in his refill!
ME: Well that
makes sense. Keeps the flavor consistent. Tell me, do you like what you do?
HP: Not
particularly, no.
ME: Well, that
must make it quite taxing, then.
HP: No, not
especially.
ME: Now you’re
just being a dick, Harold.
(pause)
ME: That’s it? You
don’t want to talk anymore?
HP: I think you could be a really good friend
to me, but I would like to establish some ground rules.
ME: Do they
involve me not calling you a dick?
HP: That is one
rule I was drafting in my head, yes.
ME: I’m not
interested, but thank you for your time!
I liked Harold
almost as fast as I began to dislike him. When he left the seat next to me, I
felt nothing. He kept glancing over at me throughout the rest of the flight but
fuck him.
No comments:
Post a Comment