Friday, October 28, 2016

Win $100! Just Stop at the Crosswalk!

     I wore the Abe Lincoln costume yesterday, so that's out.  Plus, the beard kept blowing off and the stupid drivers were laughing at me.  Laughing, but once again, not stopping for me, the Pedestrian.  The Dorothy dress and pigtails definitely garnered sidewalk reactions, but not the cars. The cars still blew through the crosswalk.  I might have to go with the bear.  Maybe they will fear for their lives or maybe, God forbid, a bear might ding their Tesla.  Fuckers.
     Tactically speaking, I can do better.  The footage isn't what I want it to be, so I am going to place another camera in the bush on the northeast corner.  With two cameras I can put together reaction shots from both the drivers and my character.  The bear is going to be good.  The bear might really get angry and chase after a car or something.  Bears are very erratic. 
     Okay, the bear costume fits nicely and I think I should be able to sprint while wearing it.  The problem is, it seems a little "soft".  Drivers need to be scared shitless that this thing is coming for them and their family and isn't going to stop until it eats their face. The costume isn't enough. I need some props.
     The Wilmette butcher is so great.  He's so nice.  So helpful.  He looked a little scared, so I took the bear head off when I asked him for a full lamb carcass. "With the head?" he asked.  Duh!  But, seriously nice guy.  And helpful.
     The cameras are in place and we are rolling.  
     Hello to everyone on Youtube!  Hello, new followers!  I got a few questions about yesterday's Abe show, and yes I am fine.  Sometimes I go to a very dark place and I am sorry you had to see that.  But, today is a new day!  
     For all of my new viewers: My plan is to wait for a car to approach the cross walk at 17th and Lake and to hand a $100 bill to the first car that stops for me.  It's been 43 days and not a single car has stopped.  The costumes started around day 17.  Last week, I tried to get a little girl to accompany me, but her mother is a fucking bitch and wouldn't let her precious little daughter stand a few feet into the crosswalk with me.  Bitch.  I hate you.  But, whatever, let's get going.
     As you can see, I am a bear.  What you CAN'T see, is that I have a mutilated lamb carcass hidden in that bush over there.  I am going to pretend to be struggling with the lamb in the bushes.  It needs to look like I am really mangling the thing and after more than just the kill.  The bear is psychotic and wants to feast on the soul of the lamb.  Eat it's very being.  So, please add a comment at the bottom of this video and let me know how I did.  Your feedback is very helpful.
     So once the car approaches, I am going to lurch out of the bushes and into the crosswalk holding the gutted animal over my head.  Obviously, in the hopes that a car finally stops.  So I can give one helpful driver his or her $100 bill.
     Give me a minute to get into character.

     Alright, here we go...

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